Larry Sanders had a $44m contract – and he walked away from the NBA

It was Christmas Eve 2014 when Larry Sanders, the budding star center for the Milwaukee Bucks, knew it was over. The night before, his team had lost by seven points at home to a middling Charlotte Hornets squad and the Bucks’ new coach, Jason Kidd, was angry. Milwaukee, who were hovering around .500, were slated to have the holiday off to spend with family but Kidd changed those plans and decided his roster should practice – as punishment. The players had to cancel flights and alert their family of the change – something, of course, they did not want to do. During the Christmas Eve practice, Sanders went full-on. He didn’t lollygag but, peeved, he also didn’t back away from engaging his coach in confrontation. Afterwards, while he was the last one left in the locker room, his body started to break down.

“I was cramping from my ears to my toes,” Sanders tells the Guardian. “Full body cramps.”t was Christmas Eve 2014 when Larry Sanders, the budding star center for the Milwaukee Bucks, knew it was over. The night before, his team had lost by seven points at home to a middling Charlotte Hornets squad and the Bucks’ new coach, Jason Kidd, was angry. Milwaukee, who were hovering around .500, were slated to have the holiday off to spend with family but Kidd changed those plans and decided his roster should practice – as punishment. The players had to cancel flights and alert their family of the change – something, of course, they did not want to do. During the Christmas Eve practice, Sanders went full-on. He didn’t lollygag but, peeved, he also didn’t back away from engaging his coach in confrontation. Afterwards, while he was the last one left in the locker room, his body started to break down.

“I was cramping from my ears to my toes,” Sanders tells the Guardian. “Full body cramps.”When he decided to walk, he had two kids and he knew that if he wasn’t in the right state of mind, he couldn’t ensure they would be either. Later, he went to another rehab facility. This time it wasn’t one selected by the NBA for marijuana – though, even in those, he made close relationships with patients who were there for additions to heroin and other narcotics. This one was designed around therapy and emotional wellbeing. That was the last facility he’s been to since.

After two years away from the NBA, Sanders sought a comeback. He worked out for a few teams and landed a contract with the Cleveland Cavaliers in 2016-17, alongside LeBron James and Kyrie Irving. But he still had a rehab stint he’d have to undertake for the league if he was to stay on and the team at the time had its own internal turmoil, he says. He lasted only a handful of games before he was waived. Leaving the NBA for good, despite still being in his prime in his 20s, brought a great deal of criticism. But Sanders doesn’t stress about those comments. His philosophy is that if someone isn’t going to be there at your funeral, why care about what they say? “One minute you’re larger than life,” he says. “And the next [in their eyes] you’re lower than dirt.”

Still, at his peak, Sanders, who is a member of and continues to work with the NBA Retired Players Association, was regarded my many as one of the best defensive players in the league. He was stopping his heroes in the paint, players he’d idolized. “I was their nightmare,” he says. “I was like, ‘I can really play this game. This game is really meant for me!’”

It took a lot to walk away from that. But today, though things aren’t always “perfect,” Sanders maintains gratitude. He also retains his love of creativity: he has a production company and a publishing company. He’s writing a memoir, kids’ books, a movie script, he runs camps, produces music, has a foundation and a cannabis line, and he even spends summers playing in the Big3. Sanders also keeps relationships with players who deal with their own mental health issues.

“Why I go so hard,” Sanders says, “is because this has to be a success story. I got to show kids that I made the right choice. That there is a way – more for us to do. That we can be successful without succumbing. All the power’s in the present.”