Why I hate The Big Bang Theory

We have never actually seen one because black holes cannot be directly observed. They are so dense and so massive that even light cannot escape. 
We only know a black hole is there because we can observe the distortions of space, and of light around it. We see it because of the evidence it leaves.

Similarly when it comes to the hit TV show The Big Bang Theory we cannot directly observe any comedy but we can observe the evidence that comedy must exist.

We hear laughter from a studio audience, and can observe the real-world effects such as high ratings and awards, but yet nothing close to a joke has ever been said by any character on any episode.

That is why The Big Bang Theory is the black hole of television comedy: because the comedy itself is unobservable.

I’m joking of course. There has never been any comedy on The Big Bang Theory in its 10-year history. Just hackneyed references to vaguely “nerdy” things said by a bunch of actors who look like they would be more comfortable as catwalk models than as the faux geeks they pretend to be.

There are dozens of videos you can watch on YouTube that show clips of The Big Bang Theory with the laugh track removed, and in each one the only way you can tell if a joke has been said is when the characters all pause while presumably canned laughter plays.

When you watch it this way you see how ruthlessly unfunny the show is, and how the writers clearly believe that opening your eyes wide and shaking your head can turn any random sequence of words into a witty joke.

There is an Indian character called Raj whose entire comedic premise is that Indians sound funny. There is a man named Sheldon who suffers from autism, which is supposed to be funny somehow.

There is man named Leonard who is a glasses-wearing male model that sometimes goes, “oh Sheeeellldon!!” to furious applause, and a woman named Penny who is the non-nerd who doesn’t know anything because you know how ditzy women are! They don’t know about stuff like computers, they just like to play with their hair.

But ultimately the thing I hate most about The Big Bang Theory is not it’s total lack of comedy, it’s the fact that its portrayal of nerds couldn’t be further from the truth.

As much as I hate to admit it, I am a bit of a nerd. I own a 24 carat gold One Ring from Lord of the Rings, I own four games consoles and I know my way around the often-disgusting world of Japanese Anime. So I know a little something about nerds. And here’s the thing: most nerds are absolute ar**holes.

You think the jocks in high school were bad? You clearly never met the nerds. They are angry, bitter little sh*ts who have nothing but contempt for anyone who doesn’t own a $5000 gaming PC with a mechanical keyboard and a triple monitor set up.

Nerds don’t sit around in a nice furnished apartment and have healthy social lives/bodies. They are dangerously overweight, or underweight, live in dank basements decorated with Donald Trump posters and scream death threats and obscenities at 12-year-old kids while playing Counter-Strike on their Alienware PCs. I know. I have been in those basements. You don’t ever want to find yourself there.

Nerds aren’t cool. Most of them aren’t studying physics, they are arguing with people in My Little Pony pornography forums, or hacking government websites so they display hardcore porn, or taking photos of their di*ks after inserting stuff into them and uploading it to 4chan. Basically pornography is always involved.

And that is why I hate The Big Bang Theory. It’s a terribly unfunny show in which the writers have never written anything even resembling a joke, and a totally inaccurate portrayal of the very worst people our society has to offer: nerds.

Greg Larsen is a Melbourne-based comedian. You can follow him on Twitter here