In the latest episode of 'The Daily Social Distancing Show,' the late-night host looks at the chaotic way the White House has dealt with the pandemic so far.
In the latest installment of The Daily Social Distancing Show, Trevor Noah dissected the coronavirus news from this week including the stimulus package from Congress, President Trump's reaction to the virus and his vision for America reopening on Easter.
"It is now day thirteen of being stuck in the house to try and stop the coronavirus," Noah said at the top of the show. "And yes, I'm going a little bit crazy, but I'm also learning things. Offering a tip to curb quarantine loneliness, the late-night host suggested, "All you need to do is take some pillows, and you fill them up with potatoes, wrap them up in a blanket, stack them on your couch, and now you have a friend."
Kicking off with some good news, Noah noted that Republicans and Democrats reached a deal on the $2 trillion stimulus package. "It is the biggest stimulus in United States history," said Noah, "it basically spreads money everywhere. Direct payments to Americans, expanded unemployment insurance, aid to small businesses, aid to the airline industry, and billions of dollars to help prop up the healthcare industry, which is vital right now. So, all over America, people are going to be getting checks from the government."
Highlighting the shortage of toilet paper, he quips, "And I know a lot of people out there are desperate for toilet paper, but please, do not use those checks to wipe your ass. You take the check, you cash the check, and then you take the cash, and you go to the toilet, and you wipe your ass. Or, you use the cash to buy toilet paper, I should have gone with that one first."
Continuing his comedic commentary, Noah added, "Apparently, Democrats and Republicans only managed to reach a deal after they agreed that they were going to include an oversight committee to make sure that all of this money is spent appropriately. And there's also a provision that blocks bailout money from going to businesses that are owned by government officials including the president and his family. Imagine that. In fact, just take a second to appreciate how strange it is that lawmakers felt they needed to write in that the president can not use this money for himself and his family. Even Republicans were like, 'Oh, no, you're right, we should include that.'"
The late-night host urged people to remember that this is the same guy who "took $150 million from a small business recovery program after 9/11, and he didn't need that. So, yeah, Trump would have looted the shit out of this fund. And even with this restriction, I bet Trump will find a loophole to try and get some of this money. He launched into an impression of Trump skirting around bailout money with Eric.
In response to Trump's declaration that he wants to reopen American businesses on Easter, Noah said, "[it] makes sense, Easter is about resurrection, after all. Happy Easter, everyone. He is risen. He, meaning, coronavirus." Noah went on to say, "I love that Trump says Easter is a very special day for him, because I'm willing to bet all five rolls of my toilet paper that he doesn't even know what Easter is about."
Continuing the Easter thread, Noah noted, "He's saying, he wants everyone to congregate together in churches around the country, which is the worst idea possible — in a pandemic. This is basically every supervillain's wet dream: a big event with huge crowds, where everyone gets infected by a deadly toxin. Trump is like the Joker, just with more makeup."
Referencing the fact that medical experts agree that social distancing is crucial to thwart the virus, Noah said, "It's so surreal that we ended up in a situation where the one person who doesn't understand how complex and dangerous this is, happens to be the most powerful man in the world. It feels like if there was an asteroid hurtling towards Earth, everyone would be trying to blow it up off course, and Trump would be like, 'I think we should give the asteroid a chance, folks. Maybe it's friendly. Look, it even has my hair."
