Inside luxurious Positano hotel loved by celebrities

A ruby jewel in the Amalfi coastline crown, the five-star resort is frequented by the rich and famous each year, who flock to the bustling vertical town seeking their Euro summer fix.

Billionaire Kylie Jenner shared enviable photos from her stay at the hotel in 2019, no doubt influencing her almost 400 million Instagram followers to dream of their own days spent grazing over Aperol Spritz and oysters at the palatial seaside palazzo.

Reese Witherspoon, Denzel Washington and Julia Roberts have also been among its A-list clientele.

Since opening in 1951, Le Sirenuse has carved a glittering reputation as one of the most spectacular hotels in all of Europe.

But with the most affordable rooms coming in at roughly $2500 per night in peak season, for most it would fall firmly into the category, “special occasion”, splurge.

If a stay at Le Sirenuse has been on your bucket list, you’re no doubt wondering if it’s wholly worth your hard-earned dollars.

Honestly? Probably not.

Let me break it down.

Among its flurry of drawcards, Le Sirenuse is home to Michelin-starred La Sponda, touted as one of the most romantic restaurants in the world. (It also has two bars, Aldo’s and Don’t Worry Bar, as well as a more casual eatery near the pool).

Overlooking the sparkling Mediterranean Sea, La Sponda is elegantly wrapped in manicured vines cascading up the crisp white walls and arched ceilings. Quintessentially Italian ceramic tiles line the floors in a calming flow of mint-green, while staff light more than 400 candles to envelope guests in a true state of la dolce vita whimsy.

A string duo meander to each and every table, serenading guests individually with both popular chart-topping songs and Italian classics.

As expected, food is on the pricy side, from the spaghettini with sea urchin costing €46 (A74) to the risotto with langoustine setting you back €50 ($A80). Beverages are where the bill really cops it, with a classic Bellini coming in at an eye-watering €24 - that’s $A40) .

While the food and overall experience was undoubtedly special, during my stay, we were most chuffed to discover equally tasty pasta dishes at an unassuming hole-in-the-wall just down the road.

We did get lucky with a celebrity sighting: Buffy the Vampire Slayer star herself, Sarah Michelle Gellar, turned up for dinner with her movie star husband Freddie Prince Jr. and their two children.

La Sponda is also available to customers who aren’t staying at Le Sirenuse, making it the most cost-effective way to experience what the resort has to offer.

As for the rooms, we opted for a double room overlooking the pool area, fit with a plush king-size bed and grand bathroom. Luxurious? Absolutely. But, unless you’re seeking privacy and solitude, barely enough time will be spent there to justify the cost.

Days and nights in the area typically revolve around endlessly strolling the bustling cobblestone streets, window shopping through local stores and soaking up the infectious atmosphere at the multitude of beach clubs peppered along the shoreline.

A welcomed addition to Le Sirenuse’s offering was its various ‘free’ experiences as part of the room rate, including pilates, morning hikes and a must-do boat ride aboard the hotel’s own vessel with a handful of other guests.

The latter, which must be booked in advance, was a five-hour round-trip to the island of Nerano, the captain serving up drinks and nibbles before anchoring the boat for a dip in the crystal-clear waters.

Guests were then dropped off to their individual restaurants for lunch (which is payed directly), with our stint at waterfront eatery Conca Del Sogno becoming the takeaway memory of the entire stay.

A live saxophone sets the mood for a raucous lunch session, with buzzy guests dancing on chairs as chefs whip up mouth-watering local fare.

A non-negotiable: Order the ‘special’ cocktail on the menu. The large, group-sized drink served in a goblet is delivered by one of the waiters, who enthusiastically prepares it at the table while dancing to Footloose and ABBA hits, free-pouring liquor down peoples’ throats as he sprays surrounding customers to bring them into the action.

After a couple of hours, the Le Sirenuse boat came to the rescue to take us home with full bellies and hearts.

And just like that, our stay at one of Italy’s most expensive hotels came to an end, having spent very little of our two days there, outside of having somewhere to rest each night.

All of this to say: A trip to a town as vibrant as Positano seldom evokes post-holiday flashbacks about where you slept.