What all those sexy Halloween costumes are doing to kids

Editor’s note: Kara Alaimo is an associate professor of communication at Fairleigh Dickinson University. Her book “Over the Influence: Why Social Media Is Toxic for Women and Girls — And How We Can Take It Back” was recently published by Alcove Press. Follow her on Instagram, Facebook and X.

“Boys are dressing up as military personnel, policemen, and explorers,” Sharon Lamb and Lyn Mikel Brown wrote in the 2006 book “Packaging Girlhood: Rescuing Our Daughters From Marketers’ Schemes.” “Girls dress up as hot little teenagers.”

Lamb and Mikel Brown said girls dressing as “princesses, cheerleaders, and sexy divas” was a big change from their childhoods. When the authors were growing up, Halloween was about pretending to be someone or something else for the holiday.

But rather than helping girls explore identities such as doctors or scientists — or even superheroes like boys — these days costumes often sexualize girls.

It’s part of a broader trend. When girls join social media, I find they soon realize that an easy way to rack up likes and attention is to make themselves look “hot” in pictures that they post. But it’s a terrible idea at Halloween or any time of year.

Why it’s dangerous for girls to objectify themselves

If a girl wants a sexy Halloween costume, it’s best not to be judgmental but instead to open a dialogue, Elizabeth Baron, a New York City-based psychotherapist and founder of With Elizabeth, a platform for moms, said via email.

“Parents should explain that dressing in provocative ways leads to the objectification of girls and women, which puts a priority on their bodies and diminishes their other qualities,” Baron said. “When this objectification happens, they are at risk of being mistreated, disrespected, and even abused or violated — whether that’s in person or over the internet.”

If they post these photos publicly, they could even attract the attention of child predators. Pediatricians recently warned that some children who are sexually assaulted connect with their attackers on social media.

Sexualizing themselves is also a sign that girls could think their appearance is of primary importance.

“Girls who dress in sexy ways might start to over-identify with their sexuality and believe that their physical appearance is what gives them self-worth,” Baron warned. “When girls become preoccupied with their external appearance, they are more likely to struggle with body image as well as mental health issues such as anxiety and depression and low self-esteem.”

Teaching girls self-confidence

While it’s OK for kids to care about how they look, “we want girls and young women to find a balance between taking pride in their appearance and focusing on the other areas of their identity that contribute to their self-esteem, such as being a good student, a strong athlete, a kind friend, and a responsible daughter,” Baron said.

It’s therefore important to teach kids that their confidence shouldn’t be tied to how they dress. “If a child requires a particular outfit on them in order to be confident, it means they aren’t confident,” said Justine Ang Fonte, a New York City-based sexuality educator.

It can be helpful to use examples to drive this point home. “Beyoncé is confident in sweats and a turtleneck because that’s not what makes her sexy — it’s her genuine belief that she has purpose, skill and belonging,” Fonte pointed out.

Baron said it’s also important to talk about the pressure kids may feel to make themselves look “hot” if it’s the norm among their friends. “Acknowledge that it can be hard to make different choices than some of their peers,” she said.

Encourage other fantasies

Parents can also help kids use their imaginations to try on more empowering identities with their costumes. “Fantasy for children is about trying on new roles, about imagining the unusual or impossible, about wearing whatever wild and crazy identity suits their fancy or captivates them at the moment,” Lamb and Mikel Brown wrote in their book.

So, parents can encourage girls — and, indeed, kids of all genders — to be things such as Supreme Court justices or president of the United States. “Imagine that anything is possible,” Lamb and Mikel Brown advised. “If her heart is set on glitter, at least help her imagine a feisty fairy who takes on the magical realm’s evil dragon, a butterfly that saves the insect world, or a princess who can use a map to find her own way to the ball.”