Dwyane Wade’s and Gabrielle Union’s support of their 12-year-old Zaya is more important than you think

In the last few days, Dwyane Wade and Gabrielle Union have begun to talk about their 12-year-old Zaya. Recently, Zaya came to her parents and asked to be referred to by the pronouns she and her, and that her parents don’t use her given name, Zion.

On Monday, Union released a video of Wade and Zaya riding in a golf cart having a conversation about identity. 

“Meet Zaya,” Union wrote on Twitter. “She’s compassionate, loving, whip smart and we are so proud of her. It’s OK to listen to, love & respect your children exactly as they are. Love and light good people.”
 

Meet Zaya. She's compassionate, loving, whip smart and we are so proud of her. It’s Ok to listen to, love & respect your children exactly as they are. Love and light good people. pic.twitter.com/G2lLVdD2VT

— Gabrielle Union (@itsgabrielleu) February 11, 2020

“Be true to yourself because what’s the point of being on this earth if you’re going to try to be someone you’re not,” she asks. “It’s like you’re not even living in yourself, which is the dumbest concept to me.”

Wade looks at the camera in the last frame, and it’s clear he thinks his preteen has figured out some things that take other people a lot longer.

The idea that young people can frame their identity beyond gender, or choose to be something that wasn’t apparent the day they were born, may seem odd or even frightening to some. 

Historically, gender non-conforming people have been fired, humiliated and even murdered for being different. We have new policy proposals about bathroom use that defy necessity and seem to be designed to ostracize people like Zaya.

The Trevor Project counsels young LGBTQ+ youth and conducts research around mental health. It has found that social acceptance is incredibly important for young people exploring their identities, and can significantly reduce suicidal ideation and attempts. When a family accepts a child’s gender identity, it might significantly blunt the negative impacts that can result.
 

“The way we are accepted or rejected as children will pervade the way we feel about ourselves as adults,” said Alexis Chavez, the Trevor Project’s medical director.

What Wade and Union are doing is really important. They have accepted Zaya, they are using her chosen name, and they are learning as much as they can about the issues she might face and the support she might need. But more than that, they are visibly proud of her. They respect her as someone who understands herself best. 

Wade is one of the greatest players ever in the NBA, and has exemplified the idea of what it means to be a black athlete, said author and media representation analyst Frederick Joseph.

“He’s showing that black men are far more dynamic than the media gives us credit for, and more loving as the generations go on,” Joseph said.

Joseph said that athletes like Wade can be put on a pedestal as representative of masculine and hetero-normative ideals. In the past, that might’ve conferred pressure upon a son to live up to societal expectations of gender and athleticism. Wade’s acceptance may be even more impactful given that context.

“For him to come out and have people reassess what family looks like in the black community is important,” Joseph said.

That family might be insulated in a way. The video Union posts shows Wade and Zaya ready for a round of golf. Their wealth and celebrity means that people around them are inclined to support, and as political progressives and creative people they likely have a social network that will lift Zaya up.

It’s from that place they have created this platform. Privileged? Sure. Insulated? Definitely. But modeling acceptance is not without risk. Wade alludes to this in the video when he asks Zaya about the resistance she might encounter later on.
 

“There are so many places where trans or gender non-conforming or non-binary people are not accepted,” Chavez said. “We have laws that are explicitly designed to discriminate against them. When people say they don’t conform, they are risking everything. They may lose jobs, homes, they may not be able to get health care in the same way.”

Chavez notes that black trans women are far more likely to face violence. The Human Rights Campaign tracks the murder of trans people and has found that the “vast majority” are black women.

These facts may make it more frightening for a family to accept a non-conforming child, and make Wade and Union’s advocacy for Zaya potentially more impactful. This family isn’t going through this without generations of context.

Zaya won’t be 12 forever, and she won’t be in this supportive family environment beyond her childhood. There is a larger world out there that will have to make way for her, her brothers and her sisters. Changing that will take far more effort but, given their decision to shout their support from their social media accounts, Wade and Union are doing their part.